He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
