You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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