If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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