So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
