I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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