Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
