I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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