Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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