I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Congratulations! We have a period
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
