we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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