And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
