We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
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No I am not eating basil off your cock
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
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It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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