im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
