Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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