so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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