Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
