The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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