Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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