the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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