M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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