Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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