You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
