I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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