Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
