mondays should just be called national damage control day
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
