Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
