I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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