planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
