i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
