You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
