His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
