I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
