The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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