Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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