I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
