ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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