I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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