I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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