I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How does one acquire holy water?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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