oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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