just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
