Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Please don't give away my fajitas
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
