I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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