I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
