FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
