so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
