have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
