I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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