Your face is a jimmy john
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
