idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
