Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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