You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
