I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
