So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
