I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
