my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
