I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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