There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
