North Korea, Best Korea!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
