theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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