Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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