I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
