and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Come on in and take your pants off
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