my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
