so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
