These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
