when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
